You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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