I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
