I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
