I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
high people should be assigned attendants
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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