the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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