Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
