If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your cock deserves a montage
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
