the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't turn off my feet"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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