New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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