I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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