It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
