i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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