the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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