I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
