i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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