Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Damn victory sex feels great
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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