that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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