; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
