YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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