Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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