I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
