i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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