New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You can't motorboat a personality
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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