Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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