This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
