remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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