You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
