My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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