found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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