i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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