I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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