I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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