whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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