Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We had sex on a dog bed..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
