Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We are all done wearing pants today
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
