My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
