My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
