It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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