thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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