I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
