I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize