Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
