so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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