the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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