I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
