So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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