I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
