shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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