So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
