She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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