Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
