dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
