I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize